Fellowship Follies
by wolfsbabe midnight
Summary: The 3rd installment of a tag team comedy series by myself and elvensong. (look up Elvensong for the other two.) what happens when the fellowship has some troubles along the way....
1. Dwarves, Forests and Water do not Mix

Fellowship Follies  
Chapter 1: Dwarves, Forests and Water do not Mix  
By Babmidnight  
AN: Elvensong and I have once again started our third humor fic. Comic relief of the first movies shall we say.  
Warnings: Well what is there to warn? There isn't anything sick in this chapter so it most likely won't ever go past PG 13 depending on Elvensong. This one is PG I guess.   
Disclaimers: Well they aren't mine, so I guess we have to give them up when we're done borrowing them. *sigh* :( but they're so fun to play with…….  
  
On December 26th of the Third age, the fellowship of the ring left for their journey to destroy the one ring. The nine members wondered though the woods, some longing to be away from the trees; some longing for loved ones, others ready to be free of heavy burdens.  
  
  
  
"We've been in these woods for days!!!" complained Gimli  
  
  
"Honestly friend dwarf, the woods aren't that bad! They are beautiful and have many old stories to tell" Responded Legolas.  
  
  
  
"Humph! Elves and their tree like ways!"  
  
  
  
Legolas picked up his pace and walked next to Aragorn, speaking silently. "Aragorn, I think Gimli would like to see the trees some more. Maybe we should take the more direct route though the woods off of the trail!"  
  
  
  
Days went on as they still wondered though the woods.  
  
  
  
"We're lost, I know it!"  
  
"No we're not, Gimli." said Legolas.  
  
  
  
"YES WE ARE!!!! Don't you see it we've been going around in circles, they are all the same!" Gimli then ran off in the distance to prove his point.  
  
  
  
SPLASH!!!!!!!!!  
  
  
  
Boromir, Pippin, Merry, Frodo and Sam ran off to find the wet Dwarf.  
  
  
  
"Serves him right!" commented Aragorn.   
  
  
  
"Dwarves, stupid dwarves! Where there is a forest, there is a stream!!"  
  
  
  
"Come Aragorn, Legolas. I'm sure he's not enjoying the water. Most likely can't even swim."  
  
  
  
Right on cue everyone heard Gimli screaming.  
  
"HELP! I can't swim!"  
  
  
  
"But dear dwarf, you're only in five feet of water! Surely you can touch the bottom" laughed Legolas.  
  
  
  
"But sir Elf, I'm four foot 7! That's a good head deeper than I can touch!"  
  
  
  
"Then hold your breath, and walk on the bottom back to shore." said Aragorn.  
  
  
  
"What are you crazy? And make a fool of myself?"  
  
  
  
"You already have, just by running and falling in a river with a waterfall that you could of heard a mile away." Boromir said. Gimli held his breath and walked to shore looking like a wet dog that just got an unwanted bath.  
  
  
  
"Lets build a camp fire and stay here for the night." suggested Gandalf  
  
  
  
The next day they moved on.  
  
  
  
"Look Gimli! There is the edge of the forest!" Merry noted.  
  
  
  
"ACHOOO"  
  
  
  
"Oh Look, Gimli has caught a cold! See what you get for falling into a river when we were almost out of the forest." Laughed Pippin "That should teach him to think a Ranger and an Elf would get him lost in a forest." said Sam.  
  
  
  
Gimli growled. This was going to be a very long journey. Indeed it was, especially when Gimli the Dwarf fell in water and caught a cold all in one day. 


	2. Attack of the killer mushroom

Fellowship Follies  
Chapter 2: Attack of the killer mushroom  
By Elvensong  
  
Disclaimers: The usual applies. That is not ours, we're only borrowing some of our favorite characters.  
Author's Notes: Enjoy this fic, it's all for fun. :)  
  
The sun rose over the edge of the forest where the Fellowship was   
camped for the night. Legolas ended up taking both his and Gimli's watch as   
punishment for the dwarf's current predicament.   
  
"Stupid dwarf, can't even see a foot in front of his nose. Is that   
my fault, no, but who is punished for it, me! 'Make the elf stay up all night,   
he probably doesn't need to sleep anyway, he doesn't have anything better to   
do', what do they know about elves." The mumbling went on most of the night,   
conveniently, the Elf's fair voice did not keep anyone awake for very long.   
  
Finally, everyone began to stir and as quickly as the Hobbits were   
up the Hobbits were hungry.   
  
"Hey!" Exclaimed Pippin, "This is a forest, right. You know what   
forests have?"  
  
Merry's face lit up, "Mushrooms!" As quick as that word was said,   
off the pair went in search of a forest delicacy for breakfast.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
"Where do you like we'll find some?" Pippin sniffed around, wishing   
for some to jump out at him and say, here I am! Unfortunately, no such mushroom   
made the advance.  
  
Merry also looked by tree stumps, "We must be persistent and give   
up, this is a forest, there have to be mushrooms!"  
  
After searching for quite some time, finally, the quarry was found.  
  
"At last!" Pippin rushed the mushrooms and immediately began looking   
them over and without delay, taking a bite.  
  
Aghast, the other hobbit approached his comrade, "Pippin, you should   
know better?"  
  
Some of the said mushroom hanging from his mouth, Pippin looked up   
questionably and his friend.   
  
Taking that as a response, Merry continued, "Eating strange   
mushrooms without me." With that, Merry joined in on the feasting.  
  
  
  
Hours, and many mushrooms, later the pair decided to take the couple   
ones that were left to the rest of the fellowship, thereby showing concern for   
the group as a whole.   
  
The trail on the way back seemed quite longer than it did getting to   
where they were, or so they thought. It was finally when the sun began to set   
that they got worried, and no doubt their comrades would be worried, for they   
did not intend to stay all day on the edge of the forest waiting for two hobbits   
to return.  
  
"Merry?"  
"Yes?"  
"Are we lost?"  
"I think so."  
"What do we do?"  
"We could eat the rest of the mushrooms."  
"Good idea."  
  
After eating, the pair sat quietly while the night came down upon   
them.  
  
"Did you hear that?"  
  
"Hear what, Merry? Are you just trying to scare me again?" Pippin   
stood, having thought he heard some beast out in the blackness.  
  
"No, I really did hear something."  
  
Suddenly, out of nowhere, came a figure, scary and large to came   
right at the two halflings.  
  
"Is that what I think it is?" Pippin swore his eyes were deceiving   
him.  
  
"It is! It is a mushroom!" Indeed, a giant mushroom came out of the   
woods bearing right at them. It was large with red and white spots on top and   
bore in its steam a menacing face, snarling at the terrified pair.  
  
"Run, Merry!" They ran back into the forest with all the might their   
hobbit feet could bear. However, the mushroom was gaining on them and it wasn't   
long before the hobbits fell down into a ravine leaving them to the mushrooms   
mercy, who was, unfortunately, now carrying a knife and fork!  
  
"Mean little creatures! Eat all my babies!" The mushroom's voice   
echoed and rang in their ears. "I'll show you, see how tasty you are!"  
  
Huddling in a trembling mass, the pair awaited being chomped by the   
mushroom's yellow, pointed teeth when…  
  
"There you both are." Legolas appeared silently out of the blue, as   
the elf usually did. "We were worried sick, thinking you'd both were trapped or   
worse. Leaving us waiting all day." Noticing the posture of the two in question,   
he looked worries, "What is wrong?"  
  
"Oh, Master Legolas, the mushroom! The mushroom tried to eat us!"  
  
Alarmed at Pippin's words, Legolas scanned the forest, "I see no   
large mushrooms." Looking down, he noticed something sticking out of Merry's   
pack. Picking it up, Legolas instantly recognized it.  
  
"Did you eat these?"  
  
"Of course quite tasty they were, you can have that one, Legolas."  
  
"No, thank you Merry, I do not enjoy the hallucinations mushrooms   
such as these bring."  
  
"What did you say?" 


	3. An Unexpected Trip

Fellowship Follies  
Chapter 3: An Unexpected Trip  
By Babmidnight  
Legolas walked back to the rest of the Fellowship with Merry and Pippin in tow.  
  
"I found Merry and Pippin. Shall we leave and get some traveling done before sun sets completely?"  
  
"Yes lets get moving" said Gandalf.  
  
Aragorn and Boromir walked up front with Gandalf while Gimli and Legolas walked in back not looking at each other but keeping the hobbits in front of them.  
  
They hiked for Two hours before the hobbits started to complain.  
  
"Aragorn, don't you think we should stop and get some sleep?" asked Sam  
  
"Just a bit further Sam, just a bit more, why we just need to make it to the bottom of the hill and perhaps we'll rest for the night." Said Aragorn  
  
They started up the rocky hill surrounded by trees. They stopped to take a breather. It was now dark, the moon was out, high up in the sky.  
  
"Come were almost there, the bottom of the hill will be a good resting place for the night." Said Aragorn.  
  
Aragorn started to head down the hill with Boromir behind him while the others got up.  
  
Not seeing a tree root Aragorn tipped barely catching his balance, only not to see the medium sized rock. He tried to grab hold of Boromir to catch his balance. His grip on Boromir didn't last and he fell, rolling down the hill.   
  
"Oof"  
  
Boom  
  
Jow  
  
Aragorn landed in the in a pond of mud. He laid there for a minute trying not to think of the pain and how he could missed seeing that rock after tipping on a tree root.   
  
Pow  
  
Wham  
  
"holy rolling hill, Batman"  
  
Suddenly Aragorn felt a weight on top of him. He tried to get up, hoping the person on top of him would get off him or roll off. He couldn't get up, the person on him was to heavy. He turned his head.  
  
"Boromir please do get off me."  
  
"Hey, it's not my fault you tripped and made me fall after you!"  
  
Boromir got off of Aragorn and helped Aragorn up both thoroughly covered in mud.  
  
"Pippin, what do you say we throw Boromir back down in the mud?" whispered Merry  
"Yeah" whispered Pippin  
"On the count of three! One…Two…Three…"   
Merry pushed Pippin down the hill right onto Boromir, both now in the mud.  
  
"MUD Fight!!" screamed Gimli  
"No Gimli, we must get some rest!" said the mud covered Aragorn  
Splat  
"Opps, sorry, I'm done now" said Gimli trying not to laugh at now muddy Frodo.  
  
Pippin and Boromir got out of the mud and followed Aragorn away from the muddy pond.  
  
The fellowship found a place far away from the pond so no one else would trip and fall in mud. No need to have a repeat of the last mud covered men.  
  
"So Boromir, Aragorn, it seems I'm not the only one falling into water."  
"How does it feel to be wet and shall we say muddy?" asked Gimli  
  
Boromir and Aragorn glared at Gimli and went on about doing their business getting ready to get some rest while Legolas kept watch.  
The next morning they woke up, while all realized that they still had two very dirty mud covered companions who could very well both use a bath.  
  
To be continued……… 


	4. Soap and Nudity

A/N: Here is the new chapter and I hope you enjoy because I have no idea what came over me when I wrote this.   
  
Please review for this could get quite interesting.   
Chapter Four: Soap and Nudity  
By Elvensong  
"I knew humans smelled sometimes, but this is just not funny anymore!" Legolas' elven sense of smell was becoming quite bothersome for him at the moment.   
  
Aragorn and Boromir still wore the mud from the previous day's detour from the path and now that they had left, the leaves and forest debris was trapped in the clothes, hair and other places that ought not to be mentioned.   
  
It was when even Gimli joined in the complaining about the smell that the two relented to journeying to the nearby river for a bath.   
  
"You'll need this."  
  
"Soap?" Aragorn questioned, one eyebrow raised.  
  
"Of course it's soap."  
  
"You carry soap with you in the wilderness?"  
  
"One never can tell when they might encounter something unclean." Legolas stood firm, seeing nothing at all odd about having a constant supply of clean smelling soap nearby. Given Aragorn's reaction though, he decided to keep the perfumes hidden for the time being.   
  
The two men looked positively miserable sitting in the shallow river. Between the two the water surrounding them had turned an awful shade of brown, with fragments of unidentifiable objects floating here and there.   
  
  
The Hobbits, of course, found other things to keep them occupied, such as the need for breakfast. Plus, given how long it might take for the pair in the river to get clean, they may actually be able to chance a second breakfast as well.   
  
"Merry, have some of these wonderful mushrooms!" Sam said cheerfully.   
  
His friend, on the other hand, responded with a polite, bur firm, "No, thank you, Sam." Followed by paranoid looks towards every sound the surrounding forest made.   
  
Frodo and Sam wondered at their friend's change ever since returning from the forest when Legolas found them. They both spared a peak at the said Elf who was supervising the removal of dirt from Aragorn and suspected perhaps some elvish trick had been used to get them to behave and stay near camp. The connection to Merry and Pippin's favorite food eluded them.   
  
Slashing suddenly broke them out of their thoughts, "I can come out now! I am clean!"  
  
"Not clean enough!"  
  
A snort was the reply from Boromir, "Perhaps not enough for an Elf, but for a man this is about as clean as we get!"  
  
Standing tall on the riverbank, Legolas eyed them suspiciously. "I believe you missed some dirt behind your ears. You may not wash again for some time and you should take all the time…..  
  
"Killer Mushroom!"  
  
SPLASH!  
  
Out of nowhere, Gimli, who had been napping right behind Legolas the whole time suddenly awoke to Pippin's cries and in his attempts to ready himself knocked straight into the Elf, who in turn fell off his perch and straight into the pool where the men were currently wiping water off of their faces.  
  
Aragorn pounced over the exasperated Elf to the defense of the hobbit, before realizing all he held was a bar of soap and was wearing his birthday suit.   
  
Thus was born the strategic defense against the Killer Mushroom as seen in the title of this chapter. 


	5. Pippin, Merry and Boromir: Have they go...

Fellowship Follies   
(Co-author fic by Elvensong and Babmidnight)  
Chapter Five: Pippin, Merry and Boromir:  Have they gone insane?  
By Babmidnight  
   
Disclaimers: None of the LOTR people in this belongs to us.  Nor does any of the songs used in this.  And no it's not a song fic.  You'll just have to read to find out what funny why I used two different songs. Oh and it does get a little AU don't flame....!!!  
Author's Note: This chapter is more AU then normal.  Bare with us, we won't be doing anymore au like this for awhile most likely.  Busy lives are taking over and there is only so many things you can do in a humor fic before you run out of ideas.  Don't want it to be to lame I think.  
Rating: PG to PG-13 nothing too bad even some things that a little kid would enjoy...you'll see…. :-D  
   
Last time in Chapter Four:  
   
Aragorn pounced over the exasperated Elf to the defense of the hobbit, before realizing all he held was a bar of soap and was wearing his birthday suit.   
  
Thus was born the strategic defense against the Killer Mushroom as seen in the title of this chapter.   
   
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~  
   
The mushroom stared at Aragorn.  He did not like a nearly naked Aragorn.  It was not a sight the mushroom liked to see.  
   
"um...I'll be going now" said the mushroom in a strange plant like voice.  He turned around to run not looking where he was going.  
   
BAM  
   
"OWWW damn stupid plants don't look where they are going ever.  Worse then elves!"  
   
"HEY!"  
   
"Elf friend you should take that as a complement"  
   
Legolas stares at Gimli and just watches on to see what would happen next.  
   
Gimli tried to get up but the mushroom was too heavy.  "Who gave you miracle gro? Man, I mean um.....yeah man; you need to cut down on your miracle gro!  Now do you mind getting off me?" demanded Gimli.  (AN: note sorry if gro is wrong correct me if it's wrong)  
   
"ur....sorry" said the mushroom  
   
The mushroom got up and backed away from Gimli scared from so many people with a dislike for him.  Out of the blue he lost his footing on the ledge falling into deeper water.  Now you see this mushroom couldn't swim unlike some of his fellow plants the Lilies..... As no one came to his rescue he soon couldn't hold his head above water with it being heavier then the rest of his body.  The mushroom had a peaceful death floating upside down in the water.  
   
Legolas whispers to Merry "What did I tell you about picking mushrooms? They're dangerous outside of the shire!"  
   
"Hey what do you say we have mushroom for stew?" asked Pippin  
   
"um......I got a better idea.  Why don't we stew the mushroom and leave it for the orcs to go crazy?!!" said Merry  
   
"Good idea. Orcs? Where!!!"  
   
WHACK  
   
"No Pippin.  We don't eat the crazy mushroom.  It could be dangerous.  Remember last time we ate mushrooms outside of the shire?  Now we don't want that happening again now do we?"  
   
"I see your point Merry"  
   
"Good Pippin, now maybe Sam will be so kind to stew him for the orcs.  They can go crazy instead of us.  They won't know the effects of mushrooms."  
   
The rest of the fellowship just stared before falling to the ground laughing.  
   
"What?!!" asked both Pippin and Merry  
   
They all looked at them then laughed harder.  Deciding they weren't going to get any answers they dropped the subject.  
   
~~~~~~~~  
   
The next morning they all woke up to the bright sun, the warmth waking them up.  After eating they started once more on their Journey.    
   
"Merry, I'm bored"  
"Me too Pippin"  
"Hey, Merry, look! Those things in the air are making shapes in the air."  
The rest of the fellowship looks to the sky.  
"um........merry, Pippin.  Those aren't things and they certainly aren't making shapes."  
"I feel something evil...." said Legolas.    
"Everyone hide!!" yelled Aragorn.  
   
The birds flew by not seeing anything.  
   
"WOO, that was close" said Pippin  
   
Later as they were near that mean snowy Mountain (name escapes me) the fellowship heard some someone singing.  
   
" it is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friend, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll just keep on singing forever just because......this is the song that never ends, it just goes on and on my friend, some people started singing it not knowing what it was and they'll just keep on singing forever just because......this is the song that never ends........"  
   
"Pippin stop.  I think they heard you."  
   
"oh.....and it's the song that never ends.........owww.......ok I'll shut up."  
   
"oh is it song time!!" asked Boromir  
"NOOOOO"  
"oh ok I'll go pout"  
   
A few hours after they are hiking with Boromir ignoring everyone but the hobbits the day seems to become normal again.  
   
"Oh screw you guys, I'm singing.  Let me tell ya 'bout the birds and the bees. And the flowers and the trees. And the moon up above. And a thing called "Love". Let me tell ya 'bout the stars in the sky. And a girl and a guy. And the way they could kiss. On a night like this. When I look into your big brown eyes. It's so very plain to see. That it's time you learned about the facts of life. Starting from A to Z.  
Let me tell ya 'bout the birds and the bees. And the flowers and the trees. And the moon up above. And a thing called "Love" (Yeah!). When I look into your big brown eyes. It's so very plain to see. That it's time you learned about the facts of life. Starting from A to Z..........."  
   
"SHUT up Boromir"  
   
"Bam Wham Bam"  
   
"Holy Batman"  
   
And so this is where these two songs got started.  One started by hobbits bored out of their minds.  The other a song that would continue to be heard all away to the 20th century started by our human friend Boromir.  
   
The End 


End file.
